Who Completes You
I believe almost everyone remembers that Jerry Maguire line "You
complete me." Even I was taken the first time I watched the movie. The second
time, I was skeptic about whether such a man exists. The third time, I began
to get annoyed at how these movies portray unrealistic men. The fourth
time, I began to wonder about myself and whether there was anything wrong with
me to have not yet found such a man. The fifth time, I got depressed.
That was my signal to cheer myself up with shopping, so I headed off to
the mall.
Sitting in one of my favorite coffeeshops, slowly sipping my tall cafe
mocha, I pondered at my single state. Do I really want to be in a
relationship? Do I really feel that something is lacking in my life?
I admit, there are inevitable moments when I would feel that undeniable
longing for an Other. But one thing I also realized was that the
longing does not go on forever. It wanes, and then it rests. And except for
those times when the longing would hit me hard, I am almost always content,
and actually happy.
I look at my friends and I see how they fill up special spaces in my
life.I look at my parents and see the same thing. I look at the person in
Starbucks carefully crisscrossing the chocolate syrup on my vanilla
cream frapuccino and I realize he contributes as much to my happiness as my
boss who tells me that I have been given a salary increase. What is my
point? That in every event in my daily life, there is a good number of people
init, all moving in perfect synchronicity. When I decide to immerse myself in
gloom because I have not yet found The One, it is like I am putting all my
conditions for happiness and fulfillment in one elusive, most-likely-nonexistent person. Not only that, I fail to appreciate the simple joys presented to me every day which, in the end, is what I have
to live through whether I have a partner or not. Living through the every day is what I often forgot to consider when I start dreaming about my prince charming. As some people have asked: what happens in the ever after of fairy tales?
The longing struck me just a few weeks ago, and it happened simultaneously
with a certain personal event. I had thought --- oh, alright, I had assumed
that a certain someone was harboring secret feelings about me. The
person then had started to confide in me about being helplessly attracted to
someone, but he would not tell me who the mystery girl was. My goodness,
the way my mind worked and found every possible explanation and elaboration just to prove that it was me he was talking about. I was thinking, if indeed I was the one, then it would be the first time that any man would have been drawn to me so strongly. And I was thinking that would be a
major signal that my destiny was shifting. That perhaps after this breakthrough, there would be more romantic opportunities coming my way. But, to my utter disappointment, he finally confided in me who the woman was, and it wasn't me. All that time, I had felt certain. So much for
shifting destiny and luck. I was quite numb after his revelation, and then I heard the slow tinkling of my shattering ego. Then I began to realize how I had pinned my hopes and my feeling of being affirmed as a woman in his confession of love for me. So what do I do now that I wasn't the
intended recipient of his affections? Do I see myself as less whole, or lacking?
Before I would have probably cried myself to sleep. In fact, I tried to do that but it just didn't feel right anymore. I was too easily distracted from that disappointment by so many other good things happening at the same time in my life. Then slowly I realized that having a partner is only one
possible ingredient in my life to make my life complete and happy. I don't have to let it become a rule.
Meanwhile, I am exploring my writing, some photography, home design and traveling. I have my friends to share my discoveries with, and I have found specific friends to be perfect companions for specific activities. In fact, I have friends who can perfectly fulfill the various supposed roles
of a husband or a boyfriend. Except perhaps the sex. But I haven't really had any experience in that
arena so I guess what the heart does not see or feel, the heart does not desire. At least that's a big load off the occasional longings. So what completes me? It's many things, and many people, and what unifies everything is quite possibly my choice to see my life in its totality and not only by its parts. A romantic life is something I would not hesitate to venture into, but it is only one of many delicious opportunities life has to offer. I am willing to wait if it is bound to come my way. Meanwhile, I do believe my life is pretty much complete for the moment.
But then again I think, isn't the moment really what counts?
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Posted on Oct 19, 2004 by Gracey_heart
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