Copycat / A Cliffhanger
Copycat
I have been friends with a female for eight years. At first everything was good as we share the same hobbies and lifestyle choices. Over the years I’ve noticed she is selfish and competitive, especially with my girlfriend. She is the type who will see an article of clothing on a friend, then run out and buy the same thing.
Once she overheard a friend talking, then bought the car her friend wanted and proclaimed she had always wanted one. Common courtesy is less important than her need to stay on a par with her friends’ fashion. I find this extremely irritating. If you have bad style it may be a problem, but the fix isn’t to copy everything your friends do.
Which leads to my present problem. Recently she bought an iPod Nano and now wants me to dump my entire music library on it. Is it easy to do? Yes. But it has taken me 10 years to compile my music collection, researching music from movies and magazines, buying CDs, downloading songs, and spending days organizing the software.
She has the nerve to ask for it as if it is no big deal. She does very little work for something, but somehow gets what she wants because she has no scruples about asking for it. Am I the selfish one?
David
David, people say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, but that isn’t correct. Imitation is the sincerest form of identity theft. Your music is your soul. Like a diary, it is the story of your life, and like a diary, it is not for publication. Tell her that, and then tell her you know she will understand.
People often put nice ahead of no. To their own detriment. No means no. It doesn’t call for discussion, debate or reasoning from the other party. If you let her engage you in a discussion, you will be on the defensive and you will forget what is best for you. Your answer is your answer.
Wayne & Tamara
A Cliffhanger
I have been involved with a married woman for six months. I know her husband through an organization he runs, and I began speaking to his wife online. She is very outgoing, and we began instant messaging. Most of the talks were friendly and comical, and I told her I liked her.
Eventually we met and upon being alone, ended up making out. Neither of us can be blamed for what happened because we both kind of pushed the issue. I am a very realistic person, and I’m guessing she doesn’t love me like I love her.
With her husband she has two children. I know she’s not stupid enough to diminish her self-interest because her situation now is far better than it would be with me. I’m looking into justification for my next action. I love her. I know she doesn’t want to be caught, and I’m wondering if it’s best to walk away, or to increase the chances she will be caught.
Martin
Martin, you say she is not to blame and you are not to blame. We agree. You are both to blame.
Look at what’s going on. She’s the one with the power, and she’s not going to leave her husband. The only power you have is the power to punish her. You think, if her husband catches her, he will divorce her. Then she will come to you. That’s not likely. If you expose her, she will blame you.
You are counting on divorce as the recognized penalty for adultery, rather than thinking, “I should not be doing this and neither should she.” You created this imbroglio. Rather than looking for someone free to be with you, you took a shortcut through a back alley. Now you’ve hit upon a spiteful solution so distant from love it is hair-raising.
Wayne & Tamara
Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.
Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com .
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Posted on Oct 08, 2007 by Site Admin
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