Family Feud / Moral Compass
Family Feud
I need help with a big problem I am facing. My dad says I’m not his, and my mom says I am his. But a couple of my dad’s friends also witnessed she was sleeping around on him in 1987, and well, I don’t know what to do to prove my mom or dad either way.
I know there is DNA, but dad, me, and my mom can’t come up with the money. I am wondering what I should do, and how can I calm down about this situation?
Jeff
Jeff, there is a solution, but your parents haven’t made an effort to find it. Why? Because the answer doesn’t really matter. If you are your father’s biological child, your mother will feel vindicated and your father will be mad. He doesn’t want to be proven wrong, and if he is, he won’t change his opinion of your mother. If he is right, your mother won’t want to admit what happened.
Whatever the outcome of a DNA test, the family drama will continue. Your parents aren’t capable of setting aside their antagonism for the sake of the child in their midst. We often get letters from young people raised by two adversaries who stay together to give their children the disadvantages of life.
The most important question to us is, how well will you raise a family? Courtesy of your parents, you’ve had 20 years of on-the-job training in how to let a dispute fester at the center of a marriage. It is as if all of your life you have been sitting in the audience of The Jerry Springer Show.
You shouldn’t feel you don’t know who you are because your parents cannot agree on who you are. In order to marry well, you must take your parents’ marriage as an example of what you won’t settle for.
You hope your parents will have a DNA test, then kiss and make up. That won’t happen. At 20 the most important thing for you is to move on with your life without letting the tangled tale of your parents’ marriage disturb your life as an adult.
Wayne & Tamara
Moral Compass
I have had a very secret little big crush on my boss since I started working for him. I just turned 18, and he is in his mid-20s and married. Knowing he is married and much older, I thought of it as an innocent, completely one-sided crush. I am young and dumb and like the butterflies.
The other night a lot of people from work went out, and everyone got completely smashed. On the car ride home he was way more affectionate toward me than a married man should be. I tried to prevent it, but he is so cute and I was so drunk. I don’t want to go into specifics, but I could tell in his eyes, if I let him go for it, he would.
I want so badly to talk to him about it, but I love my job and would be mortified if he didn’t remember what happened or the conversation went sour. He was drunk and it probably meant nothing, but it hurts so bad because there are feelings on my end.
Lisette
Lisette, there are two kinds of butterflies. The butterflies of anticipation and the butterflies of dread. You have fantasies of the two of you together, but what about the fantasies of his wife calling you on the phone. A married man is not in your pool of interest just as a man you find unattractive is not in your pool.
Somehow in your head you think it is legitimate to ask, how can I take another woman’s husband? If we were willing to tell you that, we would be willing to tell another woman how to take your husband. At 18, this isn’t the direction to be going.
Wayne & Tamara
Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.
Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.
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Posted on Sep 24, 2007 by Site Admin
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