Victim’s Rights
Victim’s Rights
I have been married over 20 years, and we have all grown close to each other. Three years ago our world of normalcy collapsed when our niece informed us my mother-in-law’s live-in boyfriend sexually assaulted her between the ages of 11 and 14. Our niece, my husband’s sister’s only daughter, was then 20 and four months into her marriage.
We pursued the matter legally but were not able to get a conviction. According to the state attorney, it was her word against his. My husband threw him out of his mother’s apartment the day our niece spoke up. My mother-in-law filed a restraining order against her boyfriend and went with us to court to support our niece in her allegations.
My mother-in-law said if she saw her boyfriend in the streets she would run him over. Unknown to us, she was secretly seeing him from the day it all came out. A few months later my mother-in-law was in a car accident. The police report listed him as a passenger, so we knew for certain she was lying all along.
According to her, she made the decision to live with him again because she was alone for a couple of days and no one came to visit her. A few months ago she called me to say her boyfriend left her, and she was going to put him in jail for what he did. She was not at all bothered this beast had molested her granddaughter. Rather she was ticked off he had the nerve to leave her!
A few weeks later she moved him back in. Three weeks ago they had a fight, and he moved out again. I do not think I will ever forgive her for what she has done to this family. Something in me died for this woman. I guess she sank too low and too fast for me.
Because she can’t visit her daughter or granddaughter, she comes to my house four days a week and on weekends. I feel dirty when she kisses me hello. I don’t want her to touch me or my children, but my husband does not agree with me.
Elizabeth
Elizabeth, the simplest principle of relationships is the one most often ignored. Either treat people in accordance with their behavior, or they will make a mess of your life. As Kipling said, “Nothing is ever settled until it is settled right.”
Your mother-in-law wanted a man. The price of having that man was allowing him to molest her granddaughter. She was willing to let her granddaughter pay that price. How do we know? Because when his actions were exposed, your mother-in-law went back to him again and again. There is every reason to believe her role was that of a procurer.
How does a woman who has ever been a mother do that to a child? Why is she not repulsed by him? Can she tell her granddaughter any more forcefully that she doesn’t care about her? Can she smack her any harder? Your niece is family, too. What about her?
The lasting effects of sexual abuse on girls are well known. They include profound consequences like self-mutilation, alcoholism, suicide attempts, and creating new personalities. Your mother-in-law is a person with defective thinking and defective motives, a person with severe mental health issues which will probably never be addressed.
She does not belong in your home or around your children. What if you had to leave in an emergency? Who might she bring into your home? She has made her choice. She has chosen a molester over her family. Let her live with that choice.
As Kipling said, “Nothing is ever settled until it is settled right.” The simplest principle of relationships is the one most often ignored. Either treat people in accordance with their behavior, or they will make a mess of your life.
Wayne & Tamara
Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.
Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com. |
Posted on Aug 27, 2007 by Site Admin
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