Riptide
For several years my best friend was Suzie, a woman I knew online. I was in my teens, and Suzie was about ten years older, married with two children. I looked up to her as a mother and sister figure, which was important to me because I don’t get along with my real mother and sister.
Suzie told everyone I was her best friend, and I did likewise. I loved this woman beyond measure, and she helped me through some bad times in my adolescence. She said she loved and cared for me, too, and I had no reason to believe otherwise.
I went to visit Suzie at her home in the summer of 2003, when I was 18. I was supposed to stay all summer, but she abruptly sent me home after a week. The excuse, which I later decided was a lie, was she had a sick relative she had to care for. But we parted with hugs, “I love you’s,” and “You are my best friend.”
Two days after I got home Suzie e-mailed telling me never to speak to her again. That’s all her e-mail said—no explanation, just “never contact me again.” At the same time she blocked me from all of her websites and removed all entries from her blog that mentioned me. She basically wrote me out of history.
I still have no idea why. We hadn’t fought, and I can’t think of anything I might have done to offend her, and believe me, I racked my brains. I was hurt, confused, and later angry. I thought I deserved an explanation, but no explanation was forthcoming. Eventually I moved on with my life, though when I thought about Suzie, I felt puzzled and sad.
A year later she e-mailed. She didn’t specifically mention what happened but said she’d had mental health issues and marriage problems. She said she’d gotten psychiatric treatment and a divorce, was fine now, and wanted to be friends again. She apologized and wanted my forgiveness. I wasn’t enthusiastic, but I wrote saying I still cared about her and would like to try a friendship again.
Suzie replied with a short note saying she was happy to hear it and would write tomorrow. She never did. I know she was still updating her websites, so it’s not like she got run over by a bus. I was more confused than ever.
Two years after that, yesterday, Suzie sent me a request asking to become my MySpace friend! I absolutely adored this woman. I am sympathetic to her, as I suffer from depression and know how debilitating mental illness can be. But Suzie obviously has serious issues, and she hurt me very, very badly. Does she deserve a third chance, or do I tell her to leave me alone? I can’t decide.
Caitlin
Caitlin, Joseph Campbell said, “The world is perfect. It’s a mess. It has always been a mess. We are not going to change it. Our job is to straighten out our own lives.” The question is not does Suzie deserve another chance, but rather, can you have a good life with people like Suzie in it.
You have some pleasant memories of her and a natural desire to help others. But there is always a risk to the lifeguard. A person has to be very strong not to be pulled under by those who are floundering in life. Suzie disturbs your emotional equilibrium and occupies an undeserved part of your mental landscape. Her inconstancy disrupts your well-being.
An old saying claims the essentials for happiness in life are something to do, something to love, and something to hope for. That is a wonderful definition of mental health. Focus on bringing those three into your life. Once you have them, you will feel nothing is lacking, and you will be able to cope with people like Suzie.
Wayne & Tamara
Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.
Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.
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