Think For Yourself / Birds Of A Feather
Think For Yourself
I go out with a nice lady 15 years my senior. Everyone tells me I’m not on the right track! We like each other. Lots of the time she mentions she is too old for me. I’m 70 and she’s 85. She looks younger than I, but they all know her age. What am I to do?
We lost our spouses five years ago, and we still enjoy life together. I have lots of friends my age who want me to take them out, but I ignore their pleas. As time rolls on I’m starting to feel lost and empty inside about this. Any ideas?
Robert
Robert, at what point do you get to say, “This is my life. I’m going to do what makes me happy.” When is the book going to be about you, if it isn’t in the last chapters? All of our lives, from the time we are born, we find more than enough people wanting us to sacrifice something for them.
Your “friends” aren’t interested in you as a person. They are thinking, if he doesn’t marry her, he will marry one of us. Your point is you don’t love one of them, but their point is they get to rule over you. Because they are not happy for you, there is no genuine relationship with them.
Age doesn’t bring wisdom to everyone. Some people are just as mean-spirited and controlling in retirement as they were when they were younger.
The only time we should sacrifice is when it is not asked for and when it is given out of love. That prevents us from feeling like a martyr or feeling like we sacrificed something. When the gift giver gives without being puffed up, or making another feel beholden, that’s a good gift.
Seeing the effect of the gift is all we should ask for. You know you are giving too much when it feels like giving money to a crack addict. That’s the lost and empty feeling you have now. You’ve been asked to sacrifice your life by others who want to manipulate you for their own gain.
Wayne & Tamara
Birds Of A Feather
I’m 19 and currently single. I haven’t dated that many men in my life. Going away to college was like being thrust face first into the dating world, and even now, at the end of my freshman year, I still feel lost.
I’ve been on a lot of dates, but finally found this guy who seems to be different. Male, age 22, was engaged two years ago. He’s been through a series of relationships since then and a number of sex partners. He is also involved in drugs (pot and mushrooms). He is currently being treated for a sexually transmitted disease, which he may or may not have.
This male, despite his shortcomings, has won me over in a short amount of time to think he’s different from others. He is caring, sweet, intelligent, and we seem to have a lot of the same interests. My only worry is that with all my inexperience I will end up getting way over my head. Also, I don’t think I am comfortable with the fact he smokes pot.
We’ve only known each other two weeks, but we’ve already spent hours and hours talking. What should I do? My heart tells me one thing, and my head tells me another.
Anna
Anna, some people have a problem setting their sights too high, but you’ve set yours too low. Asking for a knight in shining armor may be too much, but that doesn’t mean you have to settle for Prince Charming’s stable boy.
None of his problems are something an inexperienced dater needs. Until you get your bearings in college, stay with others who are more like yourself: clean slates with all the possibilities of life before them.
Wayne & Tamara
Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.
Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.
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Posted on May 07, 2007 by Site Admin
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