Wouldn’t It
I like your approach and just could not resist writing you. I am in a real dilemma. The thing is I know I don’t help myself at all, but just can’t stop myself reoffending, if you get my drift.
Basically six months ago I met this Australian chap via friends, and we hit it off instantly. He pursued me for a date, which we eventually went on, and had the most amazing time... but we ended up in bed, too. To cut a long story short we still see each other from time to time and have some great fun times.
I try to pull away and always have kept my heartstrings intact until now. He acknowledges me and my personality, we are very attracted to each other, and the chemistry is amazing. He is a very, very busy guy always traveling abroad and across the country. I guess you can see the pattern here already.
I saw him last night for the first time in six weeks, and we went out to dinner. Other friends were there, too, and then we ended up back at his place. Again. I was a little sensitive to start with and wanted to talk things through, but being a man he kind of switched subjects after awhile.
Anyway, he dropped me home this morning, and all’s well as usual. He acknowledged via e-mail, "It’s good to see you, Cassie. You’re mad!" Now I’m 50 percent happy and 50 percent sad. Enough. I know I should knock it on the head, but just can’t. I adore him, and he knows that, too. One of his friends says he likes me, but he is a naughty boy and to play it cool. Which I have been, sort of!
Cassie
Cassie, Wayne says it’s a curse, but often when we read a letter, he hears song lyrics in his head. With your letter he heard the Beach Boys singing 'Wouldn’t It Be Nice.'
Wouldn’t it be nice if a man slept with you on the first date and wanted to marry you. Wouldn’t it be nice if a man wouldn’t want to sleep with you until you were at least fairly close to the altar. Wouldn’t it be nice if men and women were on the same page sexually.
After spending a night with you, a conceited male might think, I got something nobody else has. But most males will think: I’m not that special, I didn’t whisk her off her feet. In life we are often damned if we do, and damned if we don’t. If I don’t sleep with him, I’ll never see him again, and if I do, he’ll never marry me.
Men have a big head/little head controversy. The little head might want you to be easy, but it’s the big head that’s going to give you the wedding ring. Perhaps it’s no more than the breeding instinct. His instinct says breed; yours says yes, but with conditions. If you want marriage, you need a man’s respect first, and that’s not gotten by sex on the first date. He may have a lot of fun, but he’s not envisioning you as the mother of his son.
Today you are 50 percent happy and 50 percent sad. That’s likely as good as it will get. If you become companions on his terms, in time the preliminaries... dinner, a show, a night out with friends--will be skipped. He will call, and you will rush to meet him at his place.
The song says, wouldn’t it be nice if "we could be married and then we’d be happy." Yes, that would be nice. But the song’s conclusion is more likely to occur. "You know it seems the more we talk about it, it only makes it worse to live without it." With this man you are assured of living without what you most desire.
Tamara
Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.
Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.
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