Just Deserts
Just Deserts
My partner and I have been together 10 years. We own our own home, so obviously our credit is joined. Both individually and together we have always had excellent credit; we are never late with a payment and never overextended.
We recently found out my partner’s sister fraudulently opened up credit accounts using my partner’s name without her knowledge or approval. This sister has racked up $11,000 in debt and is way behind in payments. We found this out because we were denied credit. Prior to this our credit score was at the top of the chart.
We notified our local police, filed a report, alerted credit bureaus and other agencies. The police advised us to alert the local police in the state where her sister lives in order to further pursue the identity theft.
Herein lies the problem. Her sister, an adult in her middle 30s with a good-paying job, still resides at home with her parents. Her father is employed with law enforcement in the area and also is considering running for mayor of the town. Both her parents are very active in the local Catholic church.
Out of respect we approached her father before going to the local police. As it turns out, this is not the first time her sister has done this. She has a long history of poor financial decisions and deceptions, including doing almost the same thing to her parents. She is also a pathological liar.
My partner is torn about what to do. If she does not go to the police, this fraudulent information will stay on her credit history for 10 years. If we pursue the identity theft, my partner will be the 'bad guy' for turning in her sister. Her father does not want her to pursue this because he wants to protect his daughter from prosecution.
I say her father should be concerned about protecting the daughter who has always done the right thing and to uphold the law, even if it is his own daughter who has done wrong. What do you advise?
Mallory
Mallory, the motto of many law enforcement agencies is 'protect and serve.' Your partner’s father wants to protect and serve himself and the perpetrator of a crime, not the victim of the crime and the community at large. He believes it is okay to send someone else’s daughter, brother, or sister to jail, but not his own.
The term identity theft makes this crime sound like dressing up for Halloween or using a fake id to get into a bar, but it amounts to grand theft, embezzlement, robbery, and fraud. Ideally your partner could handle this as a mental health issue and get restitution as well as help for her sister. Practically speaking that isn’t going to happen.
Your partner’s sister holds all the power and always will, unless something is done. Victimizing her sibling doesn’t make the crime less, it makes it worse. A crime against a person we have a bond with adds another level to the betrayal, and adults well into their 30s need to live in accordance with adult rules.
Think about the idea of the 'bad guy.' This kind of bad guy is bad only to those trying to ladle guilt onto a person who acts responsibly. This kind of bad guy is bad only to those seeking to be immune from the consequences of their actions. This kind of bad guy becomes bad only by allowing herself to become a coconspirator in a cover-up which will harm others at a later date.
Living in accordance with reality, rather than with appearances, simplifies life marvelously. Sometimes in life you have to be the bad guy. If your partner’s sister ever gets the mental health help she needs, it’s more likely to come from butting against the legal system than from being sheltered from it.
Wayne and Tamara
Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.
Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com. |
Posted on Apr 02, 2007 by Site Admin
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