Orange County Housewife
Orange County Housewife
It’s been a year and a half since my divorce and five months from the final settlement. My ex and her attorney came after me with a vengeance leaving me with nothing but debts and her with all our assets: three kids, the house, the car, the annuity, and all the furniture.
To add insult to injury, she had an affair she denied repeatedly. It started after she turned 35. She often expressed how terrible it was to get older. She would stay out for hours to 'work out' with her best friend on school nights, leaving me alone with the kids. She highlighted her hair, had her varicose veins removed, and removed her wedding ring.
I found out from our marriage counselor she was in fact cheating. Incidentally, my ex thought it pointless to visit and quit going after the counselor noted it was her and not me with the problem. I was faithful, hard-working, extremely attracted to her, and very much the family man.
When I first met her in college, we were completely and crazily in love, and we were having incredible sex marathons. Being older than her, a graduate student in business, and very self-confident, she seemed to me innocent and somewhat clueless. The way she carried on with me, I had no idea she was dating someone else.
When she admitted she was engaged to marry her high school sweetheart, I was speechless. I gave her an ultimatum, and she chose me. She apparently was the one who wore the pants in that relationship.
Her affair followed after I lost my two biggest clients. During all this I had to deal with her wanting to live at the pace of her wealthiest friends. Not coincidentally, she was addicted to 'Sex in the City' and 'Desperate Housewives.' We traveled quite a bit - something she never experienced before - and had a wealth of incredible experiences. Yet she seemed ungrateful for everything.
My final day at home she said "we’d see," implying maybe getting back together. That last night we had sex. Though she wasn’t passionate, she was giving. Now she’s involved with another man who is shopping for an engagement ring and planning to marry her this summer. His salary seems to be the springboard for her to live in the exclusive neighborhood her friend lives in.
I still fantasize about being with her. I feel God has somehow reversed the clock. I’m living in an apartment as I was when I first met her, we’re both unmarried, and she’s engaged to a man with the same name as her first fiancé.
Yet I’ve decided not to attempt to win her back. She’s made every effort to brainwash our children into thinking it was my fault for breaking up the family. What can you tell me about this woman, and what the future holds for her?
Jasper
Jasper, her future is whatever people around her allow her to get away with. You’d like to believe she still loves you. You’d like to believe making love the last night means something, and it does. It means it was the easiest way to get rid of you.
Years ago you went to school to get a graduate degree in business. That was your plan for the future. When your ex-wife began highlighting her hair, having her varicose veins removed, and staying out at night, she had her own plan for the future.
She saw herself as the owner of a buggy whip factory, and horseless carriages were appearing everywhere. Some people thought it was a fad, but she knew it was the future. She was determined to get as much value for her buggy whip factory as she could, while it was still worth something.
She is the same woman you married. She wears the pants in a relationship, and she uses her assets to get what she wants.
Wayne & Tamara
Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.
Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.
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Posted on Mar 05, 2007 by Site Admin
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