All The Wrong Reasons / Mates
All The Wrong Reasons
My husband and I are both 35. Four years ago he had a vasectomy so I could get off the pill, but recently I felt I wanted to have a child. Previously we thought we would rather not have one. We made that clear to our families, but we both can be a little wishy-washy, so they weren’t surprised when I announced I suddenly "know" I want a child.
I had my husband convinced I was having a kid with or without him until I went to my annual gynecological appointment. The doctor was great, but she told me the facts. Wanting kids at my age, with diabetes in the family history, obviously puts my health at risk. I have to lose 30 pounds, the reversal is expensive, and there’s a 40 percent chance it won’t take. The risk of miscarriage is also increased.
Needless to say, I was both discouraged and actually relieved because it seemed like it wasn’t worth it. Even though my husband feels he wouldn’t be a good dad, he doesn’t want to lose me. My mom insists I will be a mom one day. I think I even brainwashed myself because I wanted to make her a grandma.
I feel we are being selfish - the "me" generation - for just wanting to have a fun, simple, and easy life. I’m a little worried I will regret any decision I make.
Michelle
Michelle, the Roman poet Lucretius wrote of each successive generation, like runners in a race, handing off the torch of life. But this is a race you are not obliged to run, and there are plenty of people willing to carry the torch.
Some people feel it’s a mistake to bring a child into a world of global warming, overpopulation, and warring factions. Others feel this is the most exciting time ever to be alive. Whatever your feelings, realize that women near the end of their reproductive life typically feel the urge to have a child. It’s a natural phenomenon. This is true even of women who have always known they should not have children.
The world is different for each of us having been here. Each of us leaves a footprint, whether we leave any biological children behind or not. Unless you can think of a positive reason to have a child, perhaps this is a task better left to others.
Wayne & Tamara
Mates
How can I get my boyfriend whipped? I mean how can I get him to be one of those boyfriends who is always attached to his girlfriend and listens to what she tells him to do? The reason I’m asking isn’t solely to be one of those teenage girls that want to control their boyfriend. My boyfriend is not headed on the right path. He does drugs, drinks, and does not listen to his parents.
We have had an off and on relationship, and I care about him very, very much. I am a levelheaded 17-year-old girl who wants to put him on the right track. I want him to listen to me because he does not listen to anyone else. If you have any guidelines or anything, I would appreciate it.
Allison
Allison, supertankers on the ocean can take 20 minutes or more to stop. It takes that long because their momentum is so great. People come with great momentum, too. They come with a history, character, and set of experiences which make it very difficult for them to change.
This isn’t to say we shouldn’t feel compassion for others or try to help them, but don’t think you can stop a supertanker in its tracks. In choosing those who are to be closest to us, we are more likely to be fulfilled by someone who is sailing our same course, or by someone sailing a course which pleases us.
Wayne & Tamara
Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.
Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.
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Posted on Dec 11, 2006 by Site Admin
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