Homemade / Basic Math
Homemade
Six months ago I ended a relationship with a man who is an alcoholic, habitual liar, and a player. After the breakup he became so out of control he stalked me, and I had to get the police involved. It seemed he hit rock-bottom.
With the help of our church and God, after a long period the stalking came to a stop. Since then he has been working hard to turn his life around. He says he has given his heart to God. He also gets one-on-one professional therapy every week, and he has regular sessions with the pastor of our church. He goes to Bible study, church study, and Alcoholics Anonymous.
He truly sounds like he is trying hard to turn his life around. I am happy for him if-if-what he says is true. I don’t believe anything he says because of all the lies. He wants another chance and says there will never be a repeat. I told him actions speak louder than words.
He has done this to every woman in his life. But I am the first one he ever wanted to change for. See, I never loved a man like I love this man. But I have so much healing to do myself I told him I don’t want to be in a relationship with any man at this time. I have a lot of anger and pain to deal with first. I was raised in an extremely abusive family, and trust is a huge issue for me.
The lies, drinking, and cheating ended all trust I had in him. Once betrayed I find it most difficult to trust again. Can a man who has done this truly change? Is it possible to repair a relationship after this much damage?
Nanette
Nanette, many of us think of ourselves as a mind walking around on top of a body. We are taught our highest faculty is reason, and we can use will power and hard work to lead a good life. This view of human psychology is an ancient one, and for people who grew up with nurturing parents and plenty of opportunity, it works fairly well.
But there’s more to the story than that. Our world view is shaped by the world in which our minds were formed. The norms of our childhood and youth become our norms for the world. That’s why people send their children to Sunday school, instead of waiting until they turn18 and letting them decide for themselves what to believe. Once a view of the world is shaped, it becomes almost impossible to view the world in any other way.
A poor person is at ease at a hamburger stand, but doesn’t know which fork to use at a nice restaurant. You grew up in an abusive household. That’s why you’re attracted to this man. A man who treats you well might make you feel "funny". You may view him as weak or less than a man.
You and this man are still learning which fork to use. Part of his learning is learning there are consequences to bad behavior, including losing you. Part of your learning is learning not to accept less than the best from any man.
Wayne & Tamara
Basic Math
I would like to ask you are there any differences between love and like? What are they?
Jeff
Jeff, a few years ago we wrote a column on the difference between like and love. It must have been reprinted somewhere because lately we’ve been getting a lot of short letters like yours. One man e-mailed us this answer to the question. "Beautiful things happen. They are not made. That is the difference I think."
The difference between like and love is the difference between knowing a few words in a language and being fluent. Love is like raised to the tenth power.
Wayne & Tamara
Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.
Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.
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Posted on Oct 30, 2006 by Site Admin
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