Panache
I thought this would be a good place to come to do a little venting, and maybe get some helpful advice as well. I turned 38 a week ago. I don’t want to sound like a whiner, and I know I should be grateful for what I do have, but I feel like my life should be so much more than what it is. In any case, I need to get myself back on track, as I seem to be operating on a short fuse.
This period of introspection has a lot to do with a two year relationship that recently ended. A few nights ago I went out for happy hour with my girlfriends. I thought a girls’ night out might be a good way to get my mind off the recent breakup, and the last thing I wanted was attention from men, since my frustration with the opposite sex is at an all-time high.
Well, I ended up getting hit on by a 50-something, overweight guy. Shortly after he introduces himself, he tells me I have a lovely figure, then proceeds to guess my weight, height, and measurements, including bra size. I was at a loss for words, but then he annoys me further by asking how old I am.
I was completely outraged. I told him my vital statistics were none of his concern, and if he’s in the habit of treating women like sexual objects, he should take his chauvinistic attitude elsewhere. Then I slapped his face and told him that was on behalf of all women who had to endure his offensive pickup lines.
He was taken aback, rubbing his cheek and walking sheepishly to the table where his buddies were. They watched the whole scene unfold and were laughing hysterically. Initially my friends were shocked, since I’m normally reserved and in the past would have found an excuse to avoid talking to the guy. (And brooded over what I should have done days later.)
But then they broke the silence with a round of laughter, and some “you go, girl” high fives. They also told me I seem a little on edge these days, and either need some counseling or some Valium. I think they’re probably right. I thought you might have some good techniques in mind to help me find an inner peace.
Amy
Amy, like Tamara, you are not one to suffer fools gladly. It’s a quality I admire. Perhaps it shows the difference between men and women, that a pudgy 50-year-old thinks he has the right to critique a woman on her height, weight, and the size of her bust.
Most of us are taught that anger is irrational and something to be controlled, but the truth is anger can be highly rational and much better than turning the other cheek or brooding about what we should have said. When you were angry, you were living from your authentic center and fully in the moment, and those two are the keys to living a full life.
You already know the techniques to inner peace: counseling, meditation, yoga, prayer, and things like that. But inner peace can be overrated. Being in the moment and concentrated is where it’s at. It’s almost the difference between bravado and bravura. Bravado refers to the swagger of the blowhard who hit on you, while bravura is the dash and verve of the well-lived life.
If you do the things so basic and so simple they make you happy, then your life will be alive with happiness. You can’t be dependent on others to make you happy.
The psychologist B.F. Skinner, the fellow who rewarded rats for pressing a lever and trained a cat to play the piano, was thought by many to be a dour sort. But as he died the last word on his lips was, “Miraculous.” That’s what every day is like when we are animated by the passion of being alive.
Wayne
Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.
Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964 , Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.
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