Skin Game / Mother Or Madam
Skin Game
I'm a 37-year-old mother to one child, and wife to a 40-year-old husband. On my 35th birthday I did something I wanted to do for some time. I got my first tattoo. It is three roses on my lower back, each rose to represent each person in my wonderful family.
When I first told my husband I wanted to do it, he said absolutely no. I stood my ground. I didn't think he should tell me what I can or can't do with my body. The bottom line is I did it against his wishes. I love that tattoos are a way to express yourself, and this was my way of expressing how much my husband and daughter are the joy of my life.
The day I got it done my husband didn't want to look at it. As time went on he had no choice but to accept it. I have to explain we have a very healthy marriage. We have the usual little arguments here and there, but overall, we are a very happy couple who live a wonderful life in a beautiful resort community.
I know he adores me, almost to the point where it's not equal. I am attracted to him, of course, but I don't always express it as much as he does. He's always telling me how beautiful I am, and he loves to "show me off" to his guys at work. He's really a wonderful husband, we have great communication, and he is my best friend.
Here's my dilemma. I've been wanting to get another tattoo, smaller than the first. He says, "No way." I really want to but feel if I do, I'm going to be pushing it with him. Do I give in and not do something I feel passionate about? Or do I get the tattoo and hope it doesn't rock the boat with our marriage?
Melinda
Melinda, Alfred Hitchcock is sometimes given credit for inventing the term "McGuffin." In movies the McGuffin is what everyone is fighting over. In a movie about a cat burglar it's the diamonds; in the "Maltese Falcon" it's the statue. In itself the McGuffin doesn't matter much, and as the story moves forward, it matters less and less. It's real purpose is to get the action going.
A tattoo is the McGuffin in your story. You say the rose tattoo symbolizes your love for your family, but what will a second tattoo symbolize? Your husband thinks you're pretty as a picture, and you want to scrawl on the canvas. If he gets over a second tattoo, will you keep pushing the issue until you look like the illustrated woman?
Before you get more ink pushed under your skin, ask yourself what the real issue is. Another meaning for the word "tattoo" is a drumbeat used as a signal. You're sending a signal to your husband about an issue which is more than skin-deep.
Wayne & Tamara
Mother Or Madam
Each year my mother-in-law has her sons give her a birthday party at one of the sons' homes. This year she has invited all her sons' ex-girlfriends. All three of us daughters-in-law are upset. What should we do? She is the kind of woman who plays mean and nasty games with us just to get her own way.
Anneka
Anneka, recently Wayne has been reading Julius Caesar's account of his battles in Gaul. Caesar knew how to pick his battles. He wouldn't fight unless the fight was on favorable ground.
These days sex and dating are so closely linked we assume your husband and his brothers have been intimate with most if not all of these women. Your mother-in-law's actions are indefensible. This is a battle the daughters-in-law can wage and win. Take no prisoners. Reject her birthday plans.
When you don't stand up to abusive people, the abuse always gets worse.
Tamara
Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.
Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.
|
Posted on Aug 28, 2006 by Site Admin
<< Previous article | Back to Articles| Next article >>
Click here to join Megafriends now!
|
