The Crooked Path
My boyfriend and I have only been dating 10 days, and I already want to end the relationship. It's not like he's psycho or anything. Actually he's really nice to me, but there are no sparks! I just know he's not the one for me, so why waste my time on something that won't last?
When we kiss he is overly aggressive, and I have to wipe the spit off my face! It's so gross. My problem is my sister is dating his older brother, and they would be mad if I broke his heart. Also, I love his whole family and don't want them to hate me for hurting him.
It seems cruel to break up with him so soon. Should I try to get him to break up with me? Dating is really complicated, but I know this is not working. Please, please, please help me!
Rhonda
Rhonda, we have a German friend who has been divorced many years. After telling us about the constant conflict in her marriage, she said, "The first time he called, my mother answered the phone. I said, 'Mom, tell him I'm not home.' But my mother made me come to the phone, and I ended up married to him."
Because she didn't follow her instincts, she didn't marry the right man. There is no rule which says the first one who dates you gets you. The rule says, as soon as you know it's not right, you end it. We get many letters from people who married someone they didn't even like.
There is a time to honor good manners, politeness, and the wishes of others, and there is a time to ignore all three. There is a price to be paid for following what others want. A character in an Ursula K. Le Guin novel makes a remark which can serve as wise advice. "I have given my love to what is worthy of love. Is that not the kingdom and the unperishing spring?"
Wayne
Jack And Jill
I have been best friends with Penny since high school. A few years later I became good friends with Jack. A year after this Penny and Jack began dating. I moved across the country and maintained both friendships through phone calls. However when I returned home, things changed.
I was suddenly single, and Jack professed he'd had feelings for me since we met. One night we went out together, and he got drunk. When I took him home, he groped me. I would have let it slide, considering his condition. But after getting him inside his apartment, he pulled me down on his bed. I immediately left, but kept the information to myself, not wanting to make waves.
We stopped spending time together. I cannot be friends with a man who will so easily cheat on his girlfriend. This week, while visiting Penny, she asked why I don't speak to her boyfriend anymore. Apparently Jack told her I have thrown our friendship away, and Penny is upset. I don't know what to tell her. She is considering marrying this man but telling the truth may lose her friendship
Hailey
Hailey, sometimes you can't win for losing, but when you have to lose, it's better to lose with the truth. Talk to Penny. Tell her three things. One, why you have to tell her what you are telling her. Two, what occurred with Jack. Three, why you didn't want to tell her.
Why must you tell? Because Jack is complaining to Penny without telling her why you are giving him the cold shoulder. Jack is lying to Penny because he wants to use her to get to you.
Penny may not believe you, and Jack will continue to lie. You cannot control their actions, but you can act to protect yourself. What do you know. It's unsafe to be alone with Jack.
Tamara
Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.
Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.
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