Perfectionist / A New Moon
Perfectionist
I recently subscribed to an online dating service because of a special three month offer, but I'm not sure I'm ready for it. I may have jumped the gun and gotten way over my head. My hesitancy comes from not being where I want to be careerwise.
I am not an unintelligent person, but I did struggle in college. I found out last year, at age 39, that I have an attention deficit disorder. That explains a lot. I ended up putting college on hold and focused on building a computer business. It thrived in the early '90s, but I never found time to date. I was always "too busy."
Presently my business isn't doing well. Other companies have made parts of my business obsolete, and they can offer services at a lower rate or for free. I'm not sure if it's the right time to start dating. I have very little excess income and am still trying to work out how to return to college and finish my degree.
I fear coming across as a loser. I'm not exactly the hottest catch on paper, and it's too embarrassing to explain all this when someone asks. I know I'm getting a later start than most people my age, but I really do want a lifelong companion and kids.
Fitz
Fitz, your letter reminds us of the businessman who looked forward to the day when all his problems were solved and he would finally feel on top of his affairs. Then one day he realized that day would never come. We are always in the middle of something.
Give yourself some credit. You've defined the issues to work on. You are smart and industrious. You value education, and you want to finish something you began. Every day people marry who are drug addicts, alcoholics, unfaithful, and have no goals. We wished they weren't getting married, but they are.
You can't wait until you are a finished person before you start dating.
Wayne & Tamara
A New Moon
I was married last year. In January of this year I moved out and filed for divorce. It was the best move I ever made. I am a woman who wants so much more out of life than she was promised during her engagement. I realize now that marriage takes two people for it to work and be happy, but only one to make it miserable.
I moved back home with my wonderful, loving, and supportive parents. My father who always reads the paper has caused an addiction for me to your column. I actually look forward to getting and reading the Sunday paper. I feel empowered when I read the stories of your troubled couples. Don't ever stop giving the wonderful advice you give.
May
May, when we watch a rising moon on the horizon, it looks enormous, but when we look at the moon high in the sky, it appears far smaller. Actually the two moons are the same size. You can prove this to yourself by rolling a newspaper into a tube. When the tube is just big enough to encircle the rising moon, it will just barely encircle the moon at any other height.
The horizon moon is an illusion which fools our senses. In the same way there is an illusion which fools us when we don't have anyone. Everywhere we look we see only happy couples, and we feel like the only person who is alone. But once we are with the right person, we can see how many lonely people there are and how many unhappy couples.
Thank you for your kind words. The best advice we can give is this: become an aficionado of great relationships. Notice those people of all ages who have an extraordinary connection to one another. That is what you are looking for. Don't settle for anything less.
Wayne & Tamara
Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.
Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.
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Posted on Jul 17, 2006 by Site Admin
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