One-track Mind
I am lucky to be engaged to the most wonderful guy on the planet. However, like most men, he has a mother. And what's more, she lives with us. It's a long story, but basically times were tough and she didn't have any other options. So for the past two years we've been one big "happy" family.
At first things seemed good because she seemed helpful and would do anything for you. Within six months I came to realize, however, that she was not being nice but trying to control everything.
I knew she owned her own cleaning business for many years, but it wasn't until I lived with her I realized how insane she is about cleanliness. She is quite the middle-class Martha Stewart in these parts. All she does every day is wash, clean, sweep, paint, fix, mop, vacuum, and dust.
You're probably thinking I should realize I hit the jackpot, right? No! It is making me absolutely insane. If I use the wrong cup for the wrong beverage, she will mention it with a sidelong glance. If I dry my hands on the wrong towel, she will frantically run over, take it from me, and put it in the laundry room since it has been used incorrectly.
On top of that, she drives me nuts with all her little "procedures." For example, she sets her breakfast up the night before so when she's half asleep in the morning she doesn't have to think about it. But if you so much as move something one little inch, she comes over to put it back in "its" spot.
My fiance and I have tried talking to her, but if what you say isn't peaches-and-cream, she is not hearing it and scoots for the door. Ideally I'd like her to move, but financially that isn't possible. So basically we are stuck together until one of us strikes it rich or she gets a boyfriend who will take her in.
Josie
Josie, Aristotle looked at every virtue as a middle point between two extremes. For example, courage is the midpoint between recklessness and timidity. Honesty is the midpoint between rudeness and a lie.
You are living with someone stuck on an extreme, and that is no virtue. Little by little you and your fiance conceded your normal behavior to her abnormal behavior. Now little by little you need to return to normalcy.
That means, without concession or apology, living your lives as you see fit in that house. If there is any way to get her to accept treatment, by all means, get her the help she needs. But by all means, don't allow her extreme behavior to unbalance your lives.
Wayne & Tamara
Means To An End
One morning two months before the wedding date, I woke up next to my fiancee. It seemed to be a nice day. She said she went to a party last night, and it was a lot of fun. When I asked her to tell me more, she said she couldn't because it would make me upset.
Finally she told me she met this good-looking guy who kept complimenting her the entire evening. She says she loves me a lot, and all she wants is one getaway weekend with him because she has never been with anyone but me. I don't know what to tell her. We've been dating five years.
Dedrick
Dedrick, it's a mystery why human beings so often cannot speak directly. Runaway brides, faked abductions, self-enforced failures…the list goes on and on. Your fiancee can't say I don't want to marry you. All she is able to do is change forever the way you look at her and put the burden on you to end it.
Once true feelings surface we have to act on them. Perhaps Shakespeare said it best. "The art of our necessities is strange."
Wayne & Tamara
Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.
Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.
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