Gut Feelings
Gut Feelings
It seems as though I am in a nightmare. I've been married over 20 years, since I was 19. My husband recently retired from the military. He is very controlling and smothering. I am in a position at work where I take business trips and like to visit family on occasion. He doesn't like that at all.
Anyway, that's only part of the problem. This is difficult for me to share with anyone. A year ago my husband and I were watching a movie and drinking a few beers. After I had four or five beers--I weigh 110 pounds--I went to the restroom. When I returned, I saw a chalky substance floating on top. I freaked out and thought maybe I should go to the emergency room.
I called the beer company. They said I could send it to them, and they would have it analyzed. I hung up. At this point my husband handed me a fresh beer, which I thought strange. Why would I want more? I got mad and called them back. I said I would take the beer to my own lab to have it analyzed.
The rep began taking down my personal information. Then my husband reached over, hung up the phone, and said, "I can't let you do this." He told me he put a muscle relaxer into my beer while I wasn't looking. I became extremely upset when I grasped what happened. My husband of 21 years, the person I trusted most in the world, attempted to incapacitate me so he could have his way with me.
He confessed he had done this twice before, but the next day he denied it. I was upset for days, and he pushed me to get over it. So I tucked it away and tried to press on as though it didn't happen, but that has not worked. At this point he's moved out of the house, and I am seriously considering divorce because of this coupled with his controlling behavior.
When he says I can get over it, it makes me more mad. I think our marriage is ruined, and things will never be the same. When I think of him touching me now, you might as well put bugs on me. But he makes me feel like I am a bad person because I have not tried hard enough to forget.
Mary
Mary, for 17 years the Unabomber mailed explosives to innocent people. In one office as people gathered around a strange package, a man wisecracked, "I'm going back to my office before the bomb goes off." Seconds later, as he walked down the hall, the parcel exploded killing another man.
This story, from Gavin de Becker's "The Gift of Fear," illustrates how our unconscious awareness can protect us. de Becker's book is a valuable guide to personal safety for women, and you, too, have been given the gift of fear. It is a gift to use. What is the innocent explanation for your husband's behavior? There is no innocent explanation.
It is hard to think of something worse than taking over another physically, immobilizing them, and taking away their will. Does that fit the profile of a man who loves his wife? No. Does it fit the profile of a man who might harm you or another woman? Absolutely yes.
You know your husband has drugged you, so you have reason to fear him. He knows you know, so he has reason to fear you. You are potentially in more danger today than you were before he confessed. He has more to lose now: friends, family, his standing in the community.
You shouldn't allow yourself to be alone with him, and you need to tell others what happened. Others might include agencies familiar with domestic violence or an experienced divorce attorney. Some things can be put off. This isn't one of them.
Wayne & Tamara
Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.
Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.
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Posted on Jun 19, 2006 by Site Admin
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