Is It Love? / Imperfect Match
Is It Love?
My husband is twice my age. From the beginning I had a problem because I was not attracted to him as an older man, though I found security with him. No, he is not a millionaire or even close, he is just more responsible than those my age.
I always had a problem because he looks very old and has false teeth he takes out when we make love. This is hard for me, but a sacrifice I make for my children's comfortable lifestyle. Also, I have a soon-to-be crippling illness.
The problem is we fight all the time. Whenever I make a mistake or don't do exactly what he wants, he puts me down or gives me the cold shoulder. I am faithful and committed to making it work, but he seems to think I am lucky to have him and he is not lucky to have a young woman.
He says he can do better without me and I should go find a younger man. Honestly, I truly love him with all my heart, but I am not attracted to him whatsoever. It's more of an unconditional love rather than a head-over-heels type of love. Should I stay for the comfort, or do I find someone I can respond to as far as attractiveness, sex, and communication?
Teresa
Teresa, when we are without shelter, we rejoice in finding a job which will allow us to have our own flat. But once we have our own flat, we want someone we love to share it with.
Where were you on your wedding day? About to marry a man for his money. Where are you today? Married to a man you don't feel is worth the money. When you marry for love, you and your partner can work together to obtain the good things of life. But when you marry for money, you learn that money cannot be turned into love.
The absolute proof is your case: a woman with children and a soon-to-be crippling illness thinking about leaving the man she married for security. With him, you picked based on money. Now you're wondering about picking for looks, sex, or age. Where is love in any of this?
Will a different combination of characteristics solve your problem, or is it love you are really seeking?
Wayne & Tamara
Imperfect Match
In November I met a woman on an online dating site, and we hit it right off. She invited me over for dinner and quickly pursued a deep and intimate relationship. She does not work but spends most of her time in a dark apartment, with the blinds closed, sitting in front of a TV. I work a demanding full-time job.
Things weren't perfect, but I was content. In March I took her out of town for a few days. After we got back she asked when we were getting married. I told her I wanted to wait a good year or two so we could fully develop our relationship. She gave me an ultimatum, so I proposed marriage.
As soon as this happened, she tried to pressure me into having a baby with her and buying a house. She is good in some ways like buying me gifts and stocking the refrigerator with things I like, but she never admits when she is wrong, never apologizes, and never works to correct anything. I feel too much is happening too fast. What should I do?
Brian
Brian, for some people, online dating sites are no more than catalog shopping for what they want. You want love. She wants a house and a baby. No matter what the online compatibility test said, you don't have a match. You're not in harmony.
Consider yourself lucky. If she could have concealed her intentions better, you might have ended up married to a woman you cannot live with.
Wayne & Tamara
Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.
Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.
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Posted on Jun 07, 2006 by Site Admin
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