December 26, 2005
Making Mountains
Someone pointed out your column when I ran into a true brain-crusher of a problem. Or maybe I'm making it into a problem. At any rate I finally met a woman who truly fascinates me in every aspect of the word, and she feels the same. The "problem," and it's just me who thinks so, is I am 42 and she is 23.
Okay, that's not much to go on. I'm an Army major on my last tour, looking forward to no more moving around the world. I'm divorced; it wasn't ugly, but it took awhile to get over. I dated a lot the first year or so. In retrospect, I think, looking for a replacement wife. I knew what it was like to spend life with your best friend, and I missed it.
But as time went by and "the right one" didn't come along, I came to the conclusion life was good whether "she" ever appeared or not.
Then two weeks ago I met an amazing woman--beautiful, intelligent, articulate. We began talking, and it was clear we were interested in one another. After awhile, she asked, "So how old are you? 28? 29?" I shook my head. "No, I'm 42. How about you?" I thought she was at least 27 or 28. She said, "I'm 23."
I immediately began backing off emotionally. I decided when I first began dating that no matter how mature the woman, I wouldn't date anyone younger than 25. Why 25? I don't know. Somehow a quarter century seemed like a good rule.
We parted that night when our friends had to go home, and it was a little sad. But I didn't ask for her number. Two days later she e-mailed, and we had dinner. This woman takes my breath away, and according to her, she feels the same.
But would it work? I can only imagine meeting her parents for the first time. I know what I'd be thinking in their shoes. I don't worry about my friends or family--they'd love her. But I hate the thought that she might have regrets later.
Kirk
Kirk, whatever you want to call this--the cosmic flow, mother nature, the patterns of the universe--your mindset that life was good whether "she" appeared or not, put you into the zone. Going with the flow, leaping and expecting the net to appear, letting go--those three things--were exactly what you needed to do.
How do you get in tune with the all, then screw it up? By applying preconceived notions. Do you think the cosmos, mother nature, etc., cares about a number like 25? This is the same energy which makes men peak sexually at 18 and women peak at 35. Don't you think it knows something we don't?
You were willing to let go and let her appear. Now be willing to truly let go, so you can see if she stays. As with any couple, you have to put the big issues on the table: children, religion, and whether your mother-in-law gets to live with you. That goes for couples of any age.
Most married people are close in age, but the divorce rate among those couples is high. So being close in age is not a guarantee of anything. The only caveat is this: you have to acknowledge what the relationship is. Don't ignore problems to push the relationship forward, or make problems where there are none.
Nothing in life is guaranteed. You can no more predict your perfect health until you are 80 than predict her accidental death at 40. What you can do is look at things straight on, see them for what they are, and respond accordingly.
The least which we have in common is our age. The most we have in common is heart and mind. Which do you think matters most?
Wayne & Tamara
Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.
Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.
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Posted on Dec 19, 2005 by Site Admin
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