April 18, 2005
Three-Ring Circus
My friend has a crazy personality when she drinks. As I've grown closer to her over the past year I've seen that alcohol transforms her into a completely different person. I've always known she thinks my fiancé is good-looking, but this did not bother me until last night when I went with him to her birthday party.
She got extremely intoxicated and started asking my fiancé for hugs. As she hugged him she sometimes slurred that she would like to have his baby. Then she would go off in a completely different direction and say she is like a mother to me, and if he ever hurt me, she would hurt him.
Later she said if anything happened to us, he knows who he could come to for comfort. That was just the beginning of her comments. I felt awkward. Her friends didn't know what to do. They looked at me wide-eyed wondering what I would do. I laughed it off as if it was funny, but I was offended.
Something similar happened a few weeks ago, and now that she has done this a second time, I feel she is compromising our friendship. The worst part is she is supposed to be in my wedding in three months. I am deeply concerned she's going to embarrass me at my wedding.
Part of me wants to drop her as a friend because I would never in a million years do this to her. Part of me wants to rationalize this away, say she was just drinking, and talk with her about it. She may have no clue what she was doing because she called today to thank me for the present I gave and acted like everything was fine.
Rosemarie
Rosemarie, circuses are fun, but not when the tightrope walker falls from the wire, the lions escape from the cage, and elephants rampage through the crowd. This woman will turn your wedding into a circus. She has a problem with alcohol and discussing it with her will only lead to angry denials.
Your wedding can be either a treasured memory or fodder for TV shows specializing in humorous wedding videos. If you are serving alcohol at the reception, drop her from the wedding party and withdraw her invitation to the reception. Don't let a drunken woman become the ringmaster of your special day.
Wayne & Tamara
Run, Tory, Run
I don't know what to do. I love my fiancé with all my heart, but I am beginning to fear our relationship is hanging from an ever-thinning thread. I've come to suspect that my future mother-in-law not only uses illegal drugs, but deals them as well. My fiancé says this is none of my concern and I'm simply looking for a reason to dislike her.
I'm afraid even to be at her house. What if she's arrested and I'm present? What about our future children? My fiancé asked me to make her part of the wedding planning, but when I bring it up, she quickly changes the subject. However in front of him she'll lecture me on making an effort to fit into his family.
Tory
Tory, your future mother-in-law will be a major part of your life and the lives of your children for many years. You have every reason to be concerned, and no reason to believe this is a problem you can get past. It is a problem likely to get worse over time.
Do you want your children calling this woman "grandma"? She sounds like the sort of person who would throw you under the wheels of the train when she gets in trouble. "The drugs aren't mine, they are Tory's."
Your boyfriend hopes you will marry into this problem, and then you will both be trying to cope with his mother. The only solution which is completely within your power is to run.
Tamara
Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.
Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.
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Posted on Apr 11, 2005 by Site Admin
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