March 7, 2005
Katz And Dogs
I recently moved in with a man. We were friends for three years, then we fell
in love. We now live together and have two cats. He is the love of my life:
wonderful, kind, and caring. He is truly my best friend.
The cats are his babies. I love cats, too, but have one problem. The problem
is in the bedroom. These cats run the house, climb on the countertops, and lay
on the kitchen table. I can live with that, but he thinks they should always be
allowed in the bedroom and the door should not be closed "because they like to
lie on the bed."
I have put up with cats staring at me, crawling on me, and going under the
covers to play with my feet during intimacy. Finally, the other day I got up,
put them out, and closed the door. I said, "I can't concentrate!"
He thought this was terrible, and I was being mean. I know he was upset, and as
soon as we finished lovemaking, he got up and let them back in. We don't have
children. Do you think this may cause problems for us in the future? I intend
to keep putting them out and closing the door.
Amber
Amber, Jon Katz wrote a book called "The New Work of Dogs." His name is Katz
and his field is dogs, but what he says applies to cats as well: companion
animals tend to our emotional needs. We seek beings to love and to love us.
Not surprisingly, when television usage exploded in America, the number of
companion animals also exploded.
Jon Katz mentions a lonely woman who got a dog at Christmas, reasoning if she
couldn't find a good man, at least she could find a good dog. Perhaps your
boyfriend was like that. At one time the cats were his only reliable
companions, and he deferred to them.
Now he has you. It's time to discuss the proper role of cats in his life.
Jon's book is the kind of book you can read together in bed, with the door
closed and the cats on the other side.
Wayne & Tamara
Weighty Issues
I married my husband four months ago. We lived together two years before
getting married. At first, he was wonderful. We had grown so close. But since
we got married things have changed.
I put on maybe five or ten pounds after we married, but now I'm exercising and
watching what I eat. He's been calling me fat and other not-so-nice names. I
confronted him, and he got mad saying he was just joking. I am hurt. When we
argue he gets mad and tells me to go away. Or he gets quiet, won't talk to me,
and sleeps on the couch.
The communication we once had is becoming scarce. I don't know what to do. He
wants to start a family, but I'm afraid to bring a child into this world and
have the child treated like he treats me. I'm desperate to save this marriage,
but it's getting harder and harder.
Melissa
Melissa, the Renaissance political writer Machiavelli was an astute observer of
human behavior. He once observed that in the beginning a disease might be easy
to cure, but difficult to diagnose. Once the disease has developed, however, it
may be easy to diagnose, but difficult to cure.
You are right to be wary about starting a family. If your husband thinks you
are fat now, what will he say when you are pregnant? After giving birth you
will find it even more difficult to control weight.
Your husband can't reconcile who you are with who he wants you to be. That
raises questions about his genuine love for you. You have diagnosed the
problem. Unless the problem is cured, it is unwise to start a family.
Wayne & Tamara
Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at
www.WayneAndTamara.com.
Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email:
DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.
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Posted on Feb 28, 2005 by Site Admin
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