February 28, 2005
Mrs. Robinson
My wife, 41, and I have been married 18 years. She is very religious and
attends church every weekend. During the past six months she's shown special
interest in a 25-year-old young man who is new to her church.
Based on our phone records, she calls him several times a day even when we are
on vacation. When I ask why she is so interested, she says she is mentoring and
coaching this young man in life situations. He recently broke up with his
girlfriend, and she serves as a sounding board for him.
She told me she has no romantic feelings for the young man. However, she does
care for this single young man and loves him as a friend. He is always a
perfect gentleman, she claims. She says she would like to help him find a
girlfriend, but I do not see much evidence of that.
A few months ago she asked if he could spend the night in our house since he
lives an hour away and it was late. I told her no. She invited him anyway.
When I found out he was in the house, I asked her to tell him to leave. She
did.
That incident did not change their relationship. She took a trip with him to a
church function out of town, while I was on a business trip. Am I simply being
jealous? Should I be concerned this relationship will grow into a romance?
Jim
Jim, if you don't have children, and if we consider your wife's age, there is an
innocent possibility. Many women in their 40s feel a biological need to mother.
They often want a child. We might call this the last gasp of their biology.
What your wife is doing could be a last expression of her biological urge. He's
a young man, lost in life, and she can direct and mother him.
This may also be what is expected of her in her church, so she is taking care of
two things. She is nurturing him as a mother, and she is nurturing him
spiritually as her religion requires.
There is another possibility, of course, one which trips your triggers. You see
this as the movie "The Graduate" and your wife as Mrs. Robinson, the older woman
who seduces a young man. Women in their 30s and 40s are at their sexual peak,
and your wife could be attracted to a young man.
Which of the two is it? Is her biological clock ticking, or is her sexual pot
boiling? You know your wife better than anyone. Take an honest look at your
relationship with her right now. Not how you imagine it to be, but how it
actually is.
Is she enough disconnected from you to be having an affair with a young man? Or
is she looking for the spiritual and emotional connection you've lost with her?
Wayne & Tamara
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I work at a small radio station. I started eight months ago, and I've done
really well. But the longer I'm here the more problems I have with my boss.
He's the type of man who can talk friendly all day, but the minute you want to
talk business, he gives you the cold shoulder.
I work on commission and am paid once a month. I was supposed to be paid 10
days ago, but I haven't even seen my boss. Five of my paychecks have bounced
since I started. I need money to pay bills, but the more I ask for my
commission, the more he avoids me.
Natalie
Natalie, the Greeks invented a way of deducing answers called the syllogism.
Putting your problem in a three-part syllogism, we get this: I have a job and
jobs pay money. I am not being paid. Therefore, I don't really have a job. I
must move on.
Wayne & Tamara
Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at
www.WayneAndTamara.com.
Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email:
DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.
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Posted on Feb 28, 2005 by Site Admin
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