February 14, 2005
Love Of Writing
I've been seeing a wonderful woman for about a year. We're in love, but I feel
frustrated because I'm sometimes over the top in the romance department and she
doesn't seem to respond.
For example, if I write several paragraphs in an e-mail about how much she means
to me, I get a one or two line reply about something mundane like seeing me the
next day. She says she's not expressive romantically but likes my romantic
advances. Sometimes I feel as if she's the man, and I'm the woman.
A lot of guys shy away from romance by telling their woman, "You already know I
love you. Why do I have to tell you all the time?" I'm the exact opposite. I
need to tell her and affirm her as often as I can, but sometimes I feel as if
I'm a plain old pest with all my flowery stuff. How would I know if she's put
off by all the romantic talk? Am I wrong to expect something she might not be
wired to give?
Emil
Emil, let me give you three ways of looking at this. First, you are a writer
who is looking for a reader. You are looking for someone who appreciates your
poetry, but only a true fan of poetry can express that appreciation. Your
girlfriend is not a true fan of poetry. It is as if you are a chef whose
specialty is Italian, and she prefers Chinese.
Or maybe it's this. You're giving her flowers seven days in a row and expecting
the same reaction on the seventh day as on the first. It's almost as if you are
making her dislike what you give her. Have you run her out of appreciation? Are
you making her wallow in it? People like a little rain, but they don't want a
flood.
Or finally, maybe this is it. Part of what you find attractive in a woman is an
appreciation of your nature. You want to be respected and praised for the way
you are. That is also a negative element. Instead of this flowing from your
nature, you also require praise for it. You want a certain kind of thanks for
your gift.
Poetry, when it works, allows the essence of a thing to show through. She may
feel the essence of your relationship is that you are looking for a fan of
yourself. You are trying to get praise from her without appreciating her.
What do you appreciate about her? Is it the way she really is? Or the hours
spent writing about how much you love her? What might she appreciate more: two
hours spent writing a flowery e-mail on your computer, or two hours spent
dancing with her?
If you require, for your happiness, appreciation of your romantic nature, then
you must find someone who loves romance and can express it to you. They say
opposites attract, but only when the opposite is appreciated for its difference.
Tamara
Fire And Ice
I'm recently divorced, and I've found a great but not-so-great guy. We love old
movies, working out at the gym together, and we think a lot alike. The one
important thing is he says his heart is a block of ice, and he won't have a
serious relationship with anyone. He plays the field. Yet he says he will
commit to being a great friend.
We watched movies together the other night, and now he wants more physically.
He asked me to be his sex buddy. I've never had sex outside marriage. Yet he's
wonderful with my child, fixes my car, and even does my dishes!
Heather
Heather, he is a block of ice, and you are playing with fire. The longer you
have contact with him, the more likely he will get you where he wants you, not
where you want to be.
Wayne
Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at
www.WayneAndTamara.com.
Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email:
DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com. |
Posted on Feb 28, 2005 by Site Admin
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