January 24, 2005
No Sale
I'm worried about my sister. She is married with teenage children. She and her
husband own a beautiful home on a pond. Three years ago she discovered an 80s
"hair band" and started to see them once in awhile.
We would sometimes go together on weekends to listen to them, but after six
months she began to go every Saturday night. I stopped going that often because
I, too, have a family. Her other friends also stopped going, saying it was too
much.
So my sister went alone and found new friends. Her husband was upset so she
drags him along. She also invites his mother. I think this is to prove she is
not up to no good. In the summer she brings her children to see the band. Her
daughter told me she is sick of seeing the band and doesn't know why her mother
isn't sick of the same old songs.
My sister goes boating with the lead singer, his wife, and their son. She even
enrolled one of her sons in a basketball league he coaches. She has dropped all
of her friends and spends no time with her sisters. Her husband told me he is
sick of being with them all the time, but he is afraid of losing his wife if he
complains too much.
A few people have raised their eyebrows at this. I don't know every detail, but
one that alarmed me the most is the lead singer told my sister he is sick of his
wife's weight. He asked my sister how he can get his wife to lose weight like
my sister. So, do you think this whole relationship between my sister, her
husband, the lead singer and his wife, is weird or what?
Jenna
Jenna, imagine your letter is a story idea you're pitching to a Hollywood
producer. You want this developed as the story of an affair, but affairs thrive
on secrecy. If your sister wanted an affair, why involve her whole family?
Perhaps your sister feels her life was in a rut, and she sees the lead singer
and his wife as mentors, mentors for a new, more active, and diverse life.
Whatever her motivation, she wants to live with more gusto. You brought no
evidence your sister would cheat on her husband. Where is the suspicion coming
from? Sibling rivalry?
Many people don't want to listen to screeching guitars, steel-lung singers, or
Kiss and Poison songs, but no Hollywood producer would buy this as the story of
an affair.
Wayne & Tamara
Off-Limits
A year ago my best friend got a job working security at a hospital. On his
night shifts he asked me to stay in his place to keep his girlfriend company.
That was fine. She slept in bed. I took the couch. But the longer this went
on, we both realized we had feelings for each other.
We never got physical. The closest we came was when we slept in bed together.
I mean slept in the actual sleeping way.
Last week my friend asked me to be his best man. Now I have a front row seat
watching my best friend marry the girl I have feelings for. Do I cancel on
being best man? How do I stand up and make a speech about how good they are
together? The worst thing is they are!
Ethan
Ethan, feel free to toast them in the way you would toast any newly married
couple. You hope they make it, but that is completely up to them.
When she is your best friend's wife, avoid being drawn into compromising
situations. Anytime she has problems in her marriage or anything intimate to
discuss, you are not her "go to" guy. Let their marriage sink or swim on its
own without interference from you.
Keep your sight lines open for single, available women.
Tamara
Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at
www.WayneAndTamara.com.
Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email:
DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com. |
Posted on Feb 28, 2005 by Site Admin
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