January 17, 2005
Old Sayings
I was recently involved in an eight month affair with a married man. My affair
with him was not his first. When ending our affair, I swore to him I would not
betray him to his family since I take responsibility for knowing what I was
doing when I got involved with a married man.
Although my decision not to betray him to his wife and family remains
unwavering, I would like your opinion in reference to his wife. Should she know
she has been deceived? I think if the tables were turned and I was the one
being cheated on, I would rather know.
Lauren
Lauren, your decision not to betray him to his wife and family may be
unwavering, but the truth is you would like to tell and make him pay. Revenge
is a powerful motivator.
A myriad of sayings apply to the three sides of this triangle. Four which come
to mind are: confession is good for the soul, there is no honor among thieves,
what goes around comes around, and knowledge is power.
Why should your promise to him mean more than his vow to his wife? Why should
the word of a woman willing to cheat be good?
We are in a quandary. Should we support you in telling, when your motivation is
nothing more than revenge? Or should we consider the wife's vulnerable
position, not knowing her husband is having sex with multiple partners?
Almost always we answer the letter writer, not other involved parties. We
cannot protect this married man because his position is the least defensible.
Being involved with other women is a betrayal to his wife every single time.
But his wife, the person most in need of this information, did not write us.
And what about you? Will you learn anything or change if you tell? Probably
not.
Mark Twain said, "Therein lies the defect of revenge: it's all in the
anticipation." Revenge is cold comfort. It doesn't advance your life at all.
That is one thing you could learn. Francis Bacon said, "A man that studieth
revenge keeps his wounds green." That is another thing you could learn, but may
not.
From among all these sayings, which one do we believe is most important?
Knowledge is power. Someone here could benefit from the information you
possess. His wife. Go ahead and tell.
Wayne & Tamara
Gifts We Bring
My husband and I are a May-December couple. We met when I was 25 and he was 46.
We have a wonderful relationship in every way.
I admire the maturity he brings to our relationship, and he admires my youthful
energy that helps keep him young. He introduced me to music and movies that
were not part of my generation, and I taught him the importance of an open mind
when it comes to new fads, culture, and technology.
Our families and friends have accepted us. They tell us we radiate love. Our
philosophy is that there are so few chances in life to be truly happy, so if you
see a chance to be happy, grab onto it with both hands and never let go.
Neither I, nor my husband, have been married before or have any children. I am
now 31, my husband is 52, and we've been married five years. We are expecting
our first child in June 2005. We are both extremely excited! However my
husband is concerned about raising a child at his age. Where can we find
information about support groups for older dads?
Morgan
Morgan, congratulations! Your husband doesn't need a group for "older" dads.
What he needs is a group for first-time dads. Ask your obstetrician for all the
groups in your area and pick one. Don't fear or worry. You already bring the
most precious gift to your child: a depth of love for each other.
Wayne & Tamara
Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at
www.WayneAndTamara.com.
Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email:
DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.
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Posted on Feb 28, 2005 by Site Admin
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