December 20, 2004
Flight Delay
I have been dating my girlfriend for four years. Our desired lifestyles differ.
I've always had a strong desire for social relationships outside of our
relationship. She, on the other hand, only requires a lifestyle which includes
me. Outside of work, she spends all her time with me.
This difference could be overshadowed by our love, but she too often conveys
intolerable negativity when my desire for society doesn't correspond to her
desire to be solely with me. Sometimes she is sad. More often she portrays
frustration and anger. She says mean things, makes unpleasant facial
expressions, or clams-up.
Her negativity leads to my intense stress. It is difficult to judge whether
it's worse being void of social relationships, or if it's worse dealing with her
negativity. We've had conversations, arguments, fights, negotiations, and
compromises to end this negativity, all to no avail.
Strangely, every time she exudes her negativity, it's as if we never discussed
the matter. I regret not taking advantage of my social opportunities. When I
look into the future, I fear how these regrets might evolve. It is painful to
imagine our relationship continuing on the path it's currently on. The
difficulty arises when figuring out a way to change it.
Andrew
Andrew, Neil Armstrong, the first man to walk on the moon, made an interesting
comment about the Wright brothers. He said, "They knew if they solved the
problems of balance and steering, they could fly."
That statement applies as much to life as to flying. We are meant to fly. Not
just some of us, but all of us. But first we must solve the problems of balance
and steering. We solve the steering problem by moving toward people who support
and encourage us, and by moving away from people who are negative.
We solve the problem of balance by filling ourselves with all of what we need,
and by not letting one person or one thing overwhelm our lives.
You are having recurring, brand-new conversations with your girlfriend because
you are making zero impact on her. You want to fly and she wants to ground you,
but trying to ground you won't keep you. What is the point of flight if you
can't leave the airport?
Wayne & Tamara
By A Nose
I am utterly infatuated with an older man. He's already been married. He
happens to work at a bar I visit with friends. After bumping into him a few
times on his nights off around town and having some brilliant (though admittedly
inebriated) conversations and realizing how lovely and gorgeous he is, I asked
him his age. Expecting a maximum of 28, I was shocked when he said 35. Our
attraction is mutual, and he was just as shocked to hear I am 20.
We didn't mention age again, and I haven't seen him since. I am nearing the end
of a degree and cannot stop thinking about him and the ridiculous possibility of
a relationship in the future. I wonder if this large age difference can prevent
two people having anything more than just a good time. Is this destined to end
in tears?
Kimberly
Kimberly, there is a logical fallacy called the camel's nose. It refers to the
argument that one shouldn't permit one event because it will inevitably lead to
a later, undesirable event. In other words, if you allow the camel to put his
nose in your tent, the rest of the camel will inevitably follow.
As a matter of logic, the argument is weak. However, emotions have their own
logic. Once a woman is physically intimate with a man she will want a
relationship leading to marriage. That is why women often stay involved in
unsuitable relationships. They are holding on for a wedding.
If you feel all you would get from this man is his nose in your tent, choose
another camel.
Tamara
Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at
www.WayneAndTamara.com.
Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email:
DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.
|
Posted on Feb 28, 2005 by Site Admin
<< Previous article | Back to Articles| Next article >>
Click here to join Megafriends now!
|
